Being in a small Christian university means news travels fast, and most people’s private lives equals the gossip of strangers around campus. One very common conversation we like to unload is relationships; So, I took a survey that had 10 percent of Asbury’s student population as of fall 2022, and discovered that only 33.53% are in a committed relationship, leaving the vast majority in what you call a “season of singleness” or at least, that was what used to be the only other option. But, now it seems that a new category is mingled into potential relationship labels as the wishy-washy nature some of us have thrown ourselves into creating a new type of confusion.
We want to be with someone, but we are scared of commitment. Or, we don’t want to be in a relationship, yet what if that certain someone does like us back? Maybe we see no issues with getting emotionally involved with someone; however, when we find out they have feelings for us, that news somehow comes out of left field. How about vice versa, and we start having feelings for someone who shows signs they like us back, but in the end… did they even care? Or we get so attached that we forget that the word “committed” was never exchanged. Hence, we end up with the reality check that relationships should probably be defined before things start feeling too relationship-y. Or what about this: we’re in a relationship, and everyone around talks about the wedding bells, the proposals, the ceremonies, etc., when we’re just trying to be content with where we both are at.
Those feelings are nothing new, but, what do you call it when two people become a bit too close and act like a couple? They swear they’re not, but one secretly wants more, and the other just wants someone to hold them or to throw all their emotional baggage at someone but won’t admit that they’re playing the other person. Maybe they’ve said, “We don’t like labels” or “We’re not ready to be tied down,” but it’s been three months of this “will they won’t they” show.
The survey found that 77.65% of students believe that “situationships” are common around campus. However, the numbers say differently, and only 28.82% claim to have been in a situationship at Asbury, leaving the mass majority of 71.18% not experiencing this relationship gray area.
Initially, the plan for this article was to show off the weird culture Asbury has with dating patterns. Still after the survey amongst the Asbury student population, it seems that the word to describe it isn’t “odd.” Here’s the deal, Asbury: as much as we want to think we’re different from the secular world’s dating standard since we’re (usually) looking for a ring, the reality is that we’re all in the same boat. This isn’t a tiny Asbury bubble thing; this is generational.
This information brings three theories to fruition: first, we, as a student body, do not go for situationships. Second, we as the public, are misjudging the private relationships our peers are in. Third we, as a student body, might not be aware of our relationship patterns since the vast majority believe situationships are extremely common, yet the numbers don’t add up. This theory essentially would mean we can detect toxic behavior between two people much easier, but when it’s our own lives, we’re blind.
A BBC article titled, “Situationships: Why Gen Z is embracing the grey area,” written by Casey Noenickx, says: “In interviews with 150 undergraduate students during the 2020 to 2021 academic year, Lisa Wade, associate professor of sociology at Tulane University, US, observed that Gen Z are more reluctant to define the relationship or even admit to wanting a relationship to progress. She says her research has shown that ‘holding one’s cards close to one’s chest is not unique to today’s young people,’ but Gen Z is especially unwilling to share their feelings with each other.” (2 Sept. 2022)
Whether situationships are or are not as common as we think here, they still exist on campus and in the secular world. Our commitment issues are something most of our generation can relate to. However, there is still a crucial difference: the secular world emphasizes the physical parts of a relationship, and we emphasize the emotional parts of a relationship. This is a dangerous contrast as the word “God” is a wiggly verb in our vocabulary. Some are too quick to splurge it out, and we end up saying “God told me…” to convince another or ourselves of a choice or a person. Our situationships aren’t built from sheets and pillows but from emotionally warped divine messages.
I will admit that I have been in a situationship before. Is it embarrassing to think about and admit? Absolutely. Did it make me realize that waiting for someone who will never want me for me and just wanted a shoulder to lean on is ridiculous? Absolutely. But maybe I’m wrong. Perhaps we are only worth being the convenient instead of the ardently loved.
Featured image by John Teoh.