Don’t choose politics over your kids

When I cross the bridge from Kentucky over to Indiana, my body tenses as dread overwhelms me.

I dread going home. The conversations I know I will have, and the fights that will ensue because I know the chasm that divides my parents and I will only grow deeper—— I dread it all.

I grew up in a nice suburban house in Greenwood, Indiana with my middle-class Republican family. To this day I can distinctly remember the messages I heard on a loop in my childhood.

If it wasn’t talk radio such as “Two Chicks on the Right,” it was some other Fox-like news source or just my father’s very loud opinions that quickly overtook any and every conversation.

I had no opinions of my own. I had a skewed concept and only parroted what I heard or was told.

Shame encapsulates me to remember just how misguided I was in asking my uncle, “Are you a Democrat? But I thought you had a job.” 

I did not know any better. That is not an excuse; that is an alarm bell. The fact that it was a genuinely confusing point for me means no one informed me properly. I was being force-fed a perspective without any knowledge to back it up.

I am now a 20-year-old college student finally coming to my own understanding of the complex world of politics. My experience is just one of many when it comes to children hearing only one account of the truth.

Fewer than half of all people in the United States adopt their parents’ political party affiliation, according to a 2020 study published in the British Journal of Political Science. 

“Most parents want to raise their children with the ‘right’ values. What is right, of course, depends upon the parent, but understanding what factors might aid or harm a parent’s ability to successfully transmit their values to their children is important to many, particularly in this era of hyper polarization,” said the study author Pete Hatemi to PsyPost.

When children leave their home, it tends to be a time of political exploration away from parental influence. This was my case, and according to Hatemi’s study, it’s not an uncommon one.

“And education, previously thought to have little role in transmission, does not influence a child’s ability to understand their parent’s affiliation, but appears to make children more likely to reject whatever they believe it to be,” the study’s abstract said.

I study journalism at Asbury University, and with my love and passion for the field, I have made one of my biggest priorities the search for truth. So, I try to find unbiased sources to stay informed and have the ability to articulate any and all topics.

I will no longer listen to one-sided arguments because they offer only one-sided truth. However, when parents do not try to understand you from multiple angles, every conversation becomes a minefield. 

The convoluted world of social issues is the big division in my house, with my parents and I on opposite sides of the spectrum.

Because of our disparate perspectives, everything turns into a battle, especially when you cannot hold your tongue, which I am quite guilty of.

“Nearly one in five voters — 19 percent — said that politics had hurt their friendships or family relationships,” according to the New York Times.

The rift in politics is very apparent in this nation. I have seen it first-hand tear once close sisters apart and drive a wedge in my family relationship.  

For parents, the harder you push, the more you drive your children away. The Atlantic published an article in 2014 assessing whether politics are hereditary. They found that they are not and that “children who are raised to have strong beliefs are also more likely to rebel against those views as they age.”

The article gave examples of numerous families and how politics shaped their kids. Many rebelled, but some carried on their parent’s beliefs.

The article also told Ben Miller’s story of growing up in a household that never discussed politics. Now, the Vanderbilt law student has no interest in politics and does not vote. 

This is not what I am arguing for. I am saying that we should discuss politics but not push them. When we allow questions and at the very least tolerate different views, our understanding strengthens.

Parents, stop forcing your kids to follow your beliefs blindly. Your job is to raise them and give them morals and ethics to guide their own decisions. Yet, at the end of the day, you should raise an intelligent, free-thinking person. They will take parts of what you tell them and build from it, but the end result may be different than you envision.

Just remember that you are their parents, but you are raising an individual, their own person. Whatever they believe, they are still your children. Are your politics worth losing them?