My most inspiring place to write is the semicircle rock slab by the baseball field. When the weather is warm, I pack my backpack and walk to this spot to find some sort of epiphany, confirmation, or comfort.
A recent journal entry from my time of contemplation began with the words, “The sunset reminds me of peace. As I stare up at it, for some reason, I feel hope, even though I am entirely hopeless.”
That statement was true, yes. Growing up by the ocean, watching the sunset was the purest form of simplicity and tranquility. I often found myself needing the same form of rejuvenation through Kentucky’s equally captivating sunsets.
As any journal entry proceeds after an introspective introduction, what is seen on the pages are scribbled innermost thoughts, ongoing insecurities, rhetorical questions, and borderline rambling solidified on paper. Then, after a copious amount of desperate diction and shamefully structured syntax, I concluded my journal entry with these words:
“I missed the sunset.”
I missed the very thing that I so longed to see. I was too preoccupied focusing on what negative aspects were weighing me down at the time and what self-improvement tactics I could utilize to counter them that I was wholly distracted from what, that evening, naturally drove me to the confidence and reassurance to continue.
So many individuals, like myself, are guilty of missing life’s beauty due to trivial aspects that are not in their control and their need to turn them into lessons. Emotions are relative, fleeting, and organic, but you do not always need to sift through them for stability or an emotional nirvana. Circumstances are negatively based on wanting more for ourselves, rather than what we already experience due to an innate desire for fulfillment, but why must we turn our satisfaction craving immediately into a “No, I’m grateful for what I have” conviction?
An inspirational author, Anthony J. D’Angelo, formulated this ridiculous and misleading quote, “Become addicted to constant and never-ending self-improvement.”
Regulating the checking off of everything on your daily list will not bring some sort of cosmic order to your mindset, nor will maintaining a form of perfection in the public sphere will rub off on who you are privately. There is too much pressure to be obsessed with challenges and character-building life seasons in this world.
We are all trying to figure it out, but I strongly believe that there need to be times when we neglect trying to piece together the shambled bits of our being and progress into something better.
Self-awareness and improvement are vital to a seemingly better version of yourself, but if you are consciously trying to obtain that completeness, you might want to slow down..
I think of it like this. I am at college, which has become the most pressured years to develop personally, vocationally, and mentally. I am here to try to untie the gordian knot of all of life’s uncertainties and, when I graduate, have it all figured out.
Yes and no. If you do not walk away from college somewhat changed for the better, why did you even come? There are aspects of college that will naturally help you find that sense of completeness.
I have friends who live right down the hall. I join people for coffee and lunch almost regularly. There are many things that bring me natural joy for continuation. They cultivate an innermost desire to be the best version of myself, just as the sunset reinstated my expectant continuation.
So, I beg you, do not miss the sunset. Take the brief moments to look up from your notebook and admire what is around you. No harsh season or urge to be qualitatively exceptional requires the consistency of your attention.
Allow the gentle nudging of life to guide you there when you cannot make it yourself.
