If we are honest, this semester is off to a rocky start. The past week’s events could have been fit into a whole month and still felt overwhelming.
Let me set the scene for you. I’m writing this article in my brown matching set from Target in my newly-clean-since-last-night Kresge room (which probably will not last for but a few days). With my phone on my right and my iced coffee and microwaved breakfast croissant sandwich on my left (at 12:30 p.m.), I am trying to come up with the words that seem valuable or life-changing.
A word is staring at me from the letterboard behind my laptop: sprezzatura.
What is sprezzatura, you may ask? It is reckless grace or the art of appearing natural. Queen Elizabeth I used this word as she had to keep up appearances for the public. She always had to look put together, but not too much. She could not display any emotion that was “unqueenly” to express. She had to dress to impress but could not be overdressed or underdressed. Sprezzatura = 2010s “I woke up like this” energy, if you will.
Maybe it is just because I am a single, redheaded woman, so I can more easily and quickly fit into Queen Elizabeth’s shoes, but this word feels reflective in my own life. I do my best to keep up appearances, just enough, to where I can always seem like I am OK. So people do not know that being a resident assistant to 23 wonderful and lovely girls can sometimes take it out of me. So people don’t know I got a notification on my phone that an unknown AirTag had been following my location the night before. So people don’t know that my hometown community was hurting from a horrible and haunting scandal over winter break.
Though usually genuine and bold, saying I am OK is a slightly brittle facade. My heart is weary, and my soul is tired.
Let us be honest with one another this semester – we do not have it all together. If you feel like you do, I am so happy for you, and not in a sarcastic sense. Please send tips to anna.lowe@asbury.edu.
Our lives are complex. Growing up in this stage of life is messy. But, I hope you still search for joy.
I hope you find joy in not having it all together. I hope you allow yourself to feel deeply. I hope you take your gifts and create something beautiful. I hope you can find joy in getting coffee with a friend or even in the bitter cold.
In the same sense, I hope you are honest with yourself.
Be honest about how you are doing. If you are not doing well, it is OK to turn off your phone. It is OK not to respond to people for a while. It is OK to know your limits, and you can stay in your room for a night or two to recover from a long week. It is OK if the article you are writing does not feel valuable or life-changing. And most importantly, it is OK to say “no,” when someone asks if you are OK.
I hope you are kind to others. Be conscious that not everyone sees things the same way you do. Almost everyone has their way of practicing sprezzatura, even if they cannot pronounce the word itself.
Know that there could be profound, personal hurt behind a friend’s snide comment. Know that pretty much everyone is going through something this semester, from the sophomore slump to senioritis. Know that everyone’s family situation is different than yours.
Be gracious. Be bold. Be generous. Be brave. Be honest. And buckle up. We are all in for a rocky ride.