Our long winter’s nap was not what I expected. I thought our extended Christmas break was going to be incredibly rejuvenating, ease a lot of nerves and get me ready for my final semester of college. It was nearly two months long, so it was what we all needed after a nonstop, 14-week semester, right?
As I prepared to come back to campus this semester, I experienced feelings that were quite the opposite of excitement. I dreaded the thought of a repeat of last semester’s emotions. The anxiety, exhaustion and fear set in quickly as the reality of another 16 weeks of school in the middle of a pandemic set in.
From what I can tell, many people had similar experiences over the past month.
Maybe you’re reading this and you actually had a really great break and you cannot wait to get into the thick of things this semester. Maybe you’re in the same boat as me. Maybe you’re somewhere in between.
No matter what, something I have (reluctantly) come to terms with in the past four years is that I do not have to say “yes” to everything that comes my way in order to feel fulfilled. In my first three years here, and maybe a little bit of this year, I threw myself into every position I could think of. If it was open, I had the ability to do it and it would help me feel successful, I almost always said “yes.”
Coming into this semester, I think the greatest piece of advice I could give to myself freshman year (other than to get into counseling sooner) would be to slow down and remember what helped me unwind. In simpler words, I would tell myself to actually say “no” to some things.
It took me a long time to understand this, but saying “no” to something every now and then does not make you flaky. In fact, I would argue that the ability to say no to some things shows professionalism. For me, the occasional “no” makes the “yes” more worthwhile.
I recently stepped down from a position I loved because I had gotten to a point where I could no longer devote the time it required. As I walked away from that job, I was sad that I would no longer be able to help, but I also felt a weight off my shoulders that I had not felt in a long time.
In an article on Goodtherapy.org, licensed professional counselor Laurie Leinwand said that there are many positive outcomes to saying “no.”
“Do you consider yourself a people pleaser?” Do you find yourself saying “yes” to people only to regret it moments later? Do you tend to put others’ needs before your own? If you answered in the affirmative to any of the above questions, it may serve you to become better at saying “no,”’ she said.
Leinwand also said that saying “no” can help you feel a truer sense of peace. People can get a false sense of peace when saying “yes” when they really want to say “no.”
“It’s important to say no so you feel empowered while still maintaining your relationships with others,” she said. “In addition, it can help establish healthy boundaries with those closest to you. Instead of coming to you for a guaranteed yes, they could come to you as a reliable yes.”
Essentially, saying “no” has the potential to ease nerves and possibly start the process of replenishing some of the energy that has been drained from everyone since March.
So, no matter what your energy level is at this point in the semester, remember to put your own sanity first. No one will blame you if all you can bring yourself to do right now is finish your homework and then unwind the rest of the time. A lot of us are pretty tightly wound right now.
What I am not saying is that we all need to refuse to stretch ourselves. That’s part of life. Some of my favorite memories have come from pushing myself past what I probably wanted to do. What I am saying is to make life worth living each day. Find something that you can be passionate about and that gives you life, but don’t spread yourself too thin. Find what works and excel at it. If you are hesitant to say “yes” to something, really consider it, and don’t just agree because you feel pressured.
My encouragement to the person that desperately needs a break, says “yes” too often or is on the way to being overcommitted is to take yourself seriously. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Take big opportunities when they are available to you but take time for yourself when it is needed as well.
