This time of year, the stereotypical Christian college relationship atmosphere seems ready to burst with worry, anticipation, desperation and everything in between. Whether you are single and happy, or have a serious crush on your chapel buddy, Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to start a new chapter. If you are one of the many Asburians in a steady dating relationship, Valentine’s Day can be intimidating; you’re worried about what gifts to give or whether to go the route of a grand gesture instead. So to smooth out some wrinkles and give you all some things to go off of, here is some collected advice from our community for every relationship situation.
If you are single at Asbury, it is often awkward to walk around without a significant other in the sea of people obsessed with holding hands and eating lunch together every single day. Especially this time of year, it can be easy to grow forlorn as your singles Cookout group dwindles down to a few unlucky ones who missed the dating boat.
Sophomore Caroline Bailey offers some important pieces of advice when you are feeling left out of Asbury dating culture (although that might not be a bad thing). “Invest in yourself but don’t take yourself too seriously,” Bailey says. “Be willing to be friendly with everyone, regardless of whether you are looking for a relationship or not.”
Contrary to popular belief, college is not all about finding the “right one,” although that can certainly be a wonderful component.
For those of you that are in a steady relationship right now, congratulations. Relationships are hard work and can be difficult to maintain well amid schoolwork, a job and a multitude of hall events and extracurricular activities that keep you occupied. This Valentine’s Day might be a good time to reconnect with your significant other and evaluate what needs to change in your own life to value the other person more completely. Junior Blake Sunny has been dating fellow junior Sophie Sims for two and a half years, and his number one piece of advice is to “pray together.”
Sunny also notes that “communication is key,” and that many problems can be solved by a rational conversation. This is good to remember when your girlfriend doesn’t think the teddy bear you bought her demonstrates enough care, or when your boyfriend refuses to go stand at the mall and hold your shopping bags. Learning to communicate in the small things means that you will be better equipped to handle the bigger issues that will inevitably arise.
From the faculty side of things, Dr. Bobby Baldridge, Professor of Biology, and Kristina Erny, Assistant Professor of Creative Writing, offered their opinions on the key pieces of relationship advice. Erny, who has been married to her husband Benjamin for 14 years and eight months, noted that for a relationship to work, you need to “be honest” and “be with people who are honest.” She also encouraged students to “know and love” themselves, and to “be content being alone before you leap into being together.” Don’t rush into a relationship based off of peer pressure or unrealistic expectations.
Baldridge, who has been married to his wife Lynndy for 43 years and seven months, said, “Don’t lose sight of the qualities in your partner that first interested you or led you to consider a life-long commitment. This has many benefits, not the least of which is helping maintain a spirit of gratitude for your partner. Remind your partner often that they are the most valued and precious person in your life.” This constant reaffirmation of value is the basis that makes relationships work and worth the work put into them.
It gets even harder to ignore the waves of couples in the Caf, HICCUP or Kinlaw on Valentine’s Day. But as much as it seems like a commercialization to capitalize off of misguided notions of love, it can also be a time to reevaluate and recommit to valuable relationships, whether that means embracing friendships in a season of singleness or strengthening your current dating relationship. And before anyone makes a rash decision or caves to peer pressure to begin a relationship, remember that there is still a lot of life left after college. True love is worth the wait.
