“On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was.”
Straight from the 2004 cult classic film “Mean Girls,” that line forever cemented October 3 as Mean Girls Day in the hearts of fans all over the world. There is no denying the film’s iconic impact on pop culture. On top of the film’s constant remakes and spin-offs, including a sequel, a Broadway musical and a film adaptation of said musical, the movie reinvented teen comedies by popularizing the trope of mean girl cliques, which soon became a staple of the genre.
21 years later, the film remains a fan favorite as an example of what it feels like to navigate complicated social circles. But does “Mean Girls” really reflect the reality of female friendships? Or has it helped plant the seeds for the reality that it condemns?
I grew up as a homeschooled third-culture kid, much like the protagonist of “Mean Girls” herself. I never had the challenge of finding a place to sit in the cafeteria or being shunned by the jocks and the cheerleaders, but that didn’t leave me unscathed by the reality of mean girls. I still get anxious remembering the drama of the clique that formed in my church. After two years of bubbling tensions and excluding those not in the group, it eventually exploded, resulting in none of the girls speaking anymore. As a kid, I thought it was just a them-problem. Only later did I begin noticing similar issues in other places, too.
By the time I came to Asbury, I wasn’t sure what to expect. My experiences in church and youth group had made me wary of girl friend groups, so I purposefully spent most of my freshman year investing in more co-ed circles. Friends from my classes. Friends from other intercultural backgrounds. Still, by my second semester, drama began to stir in one of the groups I was a part of. They eventually got over it. I went back on high alert.
Over this summer, however, something happened. I went on a study abroad trip. A study abroad trip with ten girls bunking in one room. I was terrified. Sure, I would probably survive, but the last thing I wanted was for more drama to spoil such an amazing opportunity.
Shockingly, it didn’t.
By the end of the two weeks, I had made more strong girl friendships than I had in all of my college experiences up to that point. Even now, back at school, those girls continue to offer me a level of encouragement and support that I never could have imagined. But that has made me wonder, if this is what a group of girls can be, what causes so many of them to self-destruct?
The answer came to me earlier this week. I had just finished getting lunch with one of the girls from my new group when she made a comment that I didn’t expect. We were talking about how we wanted to hang out more when she admitted that she is always nervous that the people around her actually don’t like her, even though they are too polite to say it.
Coming from her, this comment really surprised me. She isn’t just a great friend, she is pretty, kind and seemingly always confident in who she is. It surprised me to hear her voice the same thoughts that live rent-free in my own head. That’s when I realized it. More often than not, the problem isn’t actually that girls are constantly judging each other over their actions and appearance. It is that girls are constantly assuming that other girls are judging them.
As women, I believe that society has bombarded us with often impossible standards. Both in beauty and demeanor, there is an ingrained sense in the vast majority of us that there is a way we are supposed to be. It seems clear to us when we miss that standard. And it is so easy to believe that others are thinking the same thing, especially when so much of our media demonstrates that.
So where does that leave us? For one, as someone going into media, I believe it is important for pop culture to provide more examples of what supportive female friendships look like in order to help combat the assumptions of judgment. The world needs more films like this year’s “KPop Demon Hunters” that model what it looks like for girl friends to support and love each other in uniquely female ways, especially for those who struggle to feel like enough. But more than that, as Christians, I believe that our communities ought to offer a real-life reflection of love in action. It isn’t enough to avoid drama. It’s about forming bonds that can survive it, because those are the bonds that are truly worth fighting for.
Photo courtesy of CNN.
